ABUSE ACCOUNTS
WARNING:
This abuse account and the accompanying graphic is VERY scary! Please use caution when deciding if you want to read it! This page is NOT meant for children or PTSD/Sexual Abuse Survivors who are
easily triggered!
The Blood Ritual
The last time I remember Daddy touching my "female parts" seems to me now more along the lines of ritualistic abuse rather than sexual. After taking my bath, I put my nightgown on without any panties. Since mother was not at home, I thought I could get away with wearing them to bed, but no such luck. This time, Father insisted I not wear them...that I should "mind my mother." When I thought Daddy was going to tuck me in, he laid something on my bed and told me to climb on top. I don't remember if it was newspaper, an old towel or what. He then told me to lift my nightgown, bend my legs at the knees and spread them apart. I was used to Father's demands by this time and robotically did as he commanded. Besides, I wanted to be a good girl and obey my father like the Sunday School teacher said to do. I assumed this was going to be another lesson about my vagina being a box, but it wasn't about that at all. Behind his back, Father pulled out some kind of a container filled with blood. He held the container with his left hand and dipped the fingers of his right hand in the blood. I was paralyzed at the sight of the blood dripping from his fingers! I didn't even like to look at blood from my own skinned knees! To my horror, Daddy proceeded to wipe the blood all over my "private parts." To my confusion, the blood was ice cold! Holding up his bloody fingers, my father glared into my eyes and said in a very hateful voice, "This is what makes you icky! You don't have one of these." At this point he grabbed his penis out of his boxer shorts and shook it in my face. He concluded by saying that since I did not have a penis, "You'll never be any good!"
This is one of my most horrific memories! To this day, I have been unable to retrieve what followed. Did Father help me clean up the blood? Knowing him, I'm sure I was left to clean up myself. One thing I know for certain, I was horrified and terribly confused by what had just happened to me. I was a little girl. I did not yet have my period, nor had I learned about it from Mother. I knew I didn't have a penis, but what was the blood about and why was it so cold? Thinking back on this during therapy, I concluded that the blood was probably from some kind of meat he had taken out of the refrigerator. At the time, the only thing I understood completely was that I was a girl, not a boy and that made me worthless. In my own daddy's eyes, I was now less than a thing to be used...I was a worthless thing!
© 2006 Hope Forus. All rights reserved.
Return to the Abuse Accounts Main Page - Click Here
Graphics provided by: Sparkle Tags.com
