As many of you know by now, I am trying to get back into Cyber Space now that I am feeling more whole. Alot has happened since I was last able to update this site on a regular basis. It is going to take me awhile to catch up. I hope you will all be patient with me.
As I prioritize everything that needs to be done, I feel the first priority is to YOU...I want to thank everyone who has been in contact with me the past couple of years and apologize for the long delay in responding! So, for the first few days, I am going to dedicate my time to answering e-mails and responding to everyone who has signed my guest book. Next, I will update and include links to other helpful sites, books, blogs, etc. that have been recently brought to my attention. Last, but certainly not least, I will add new material to this site. I will be covering the incorporation process I have used to help with my DID. I also want to add some important material about self-esteem and finish the Inner Child pages I was working on when I left. So, please check back soon and often as I make these important changes and additions.
Thanks and blessings, Hope
October 17, 2009
I'm back! ... At least in a limited capacity. I am so grateful to those of you who have not given up on me! I appreciate those of you who have continued to visit and sign my guest book during my absence. Thank you all so much for your prayers, positive vibes and support during this very difficult time in my healing journey. It means more to me than you could ever know!
I have DID and after two stays in the WIIT program in Hollywood, Florida, I have been successful in incorporating 20 of my 23 alters/parts. I feel more whole now than I have my entire life! It has been a lot of work, but worth every tear, fear and effort. In the coming months, I plan to share with you this part of my healing and recovery process. I plan to detail the difference between inner child work (which is very helpful for those without DID) and incorporation therapy (for those with DID).
Please continue to be patient with me as I slowly return to my work on this Web site, my blog and my book. As you can imagine, my DID diagnosis and the work to incorporate 23 parts has changed things significantly! However, I want to emphasize that none of this new information invalidates the current content of this Web site...it will merely add to it. So, please check back often as I re-enter cyber space and get back into the swing of things. I'll be back soon. Love and hugs to all,
Hope
As I hope everyone knows by now, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Here's an update. I'm finished responding to all of the e-mails I received during my absence. Thank you for all of your positive messages and good wishes. They mean more to me than you'll ever know!
Now, I'm updating and including links to other helpful sites, books, blogs, etc. that have been brought to my attention. This will take me a few days. If you notice a broken link or have a new site you think would be valuable to fellow survivors, please e-mail me and I will get them up right away.
By next week, I hope to be adding new material to this site. I will be covering the incorporation process I have used to help with my DID. I also want to add some important material about self-esteem and finish the Inner Child pages I was working on when I left. So, please check back soon and often as I make these important changes and additions.
Thanks and blessings, Hope
October 30, 2009
Greetings everyone! I hope this message finds you well and ready to work on healing. After all, the ultimate goal is to not only survive, but to heal past hurts and learn to really live and thrive. I decided to share something here that has helped me tremendously.
There has been a great deal written about affirmations and I've had some limited success with general affirmations you say to yourself. However, I did not notice any dramatic difference until I did them a little differently. When I was in the WIIT program, we learned how to create affirmations and re-program our internal thinking this way:
Daily Affirmations that Really Make a Difference
1. First create a list of the negative messages that play in your head. You know what I mean...we all do this. We say negative things to ourselves, especially when things aren't going our way. These are usually things that were verbally said or implied during your abuse as a child. Here are some of mine:
Your feelings aren't important.
You belong to me.
You are stupid.
Your needs aren't important.
Be sure to create your list as if someone else (your abuser) was talking. Try to come up with at least 20 of these messages. Start each with "you" or "your".
2. Next re-frame these negative messages and turn them into something positive. We need to believe that our feelings and needs ARE important, that our body belongs to us and that we are intelligent. Start each positive affirmation with "I" and end each with "for me". Here are mine re-framed from the above short list of examples:
I express my feelings for me.
I belong to me for me.
I am intelligent for me.
I take care of my needs for me.
Dr. Tolefson of the WIIT program believes it is important to frame each positive affirmation as something you do for yourself, and only yourself. If you are making changes for someone else, it can be just as damaging to your self-esteem as the negative messages.
3. Finally, say these positive, re-framed affirmations to yourself OUT LOUD, EVERY DAY for at least six months without a break. If you forget one day, start the six months time frame over again. It is important (I can attest to this personally) that you say these to yourself while looking in a mirror held very close to your face. All you want to see in the mirror are your eyes. When I first started these affirmations I said them in the bathroom mirror and got distracted by seeing my face and/or body in the mirror. I kept seeing flaws in the mirror and that was self-defeating! I went out and bought myself a small hand-held mirror I can hold close to my face and only look directly into my eyes. The thinking is that we were "brainwashed" in a way as children and we need to re-program our minds. The most effective way to do this is by looking directly into your own eyes. Another hint I have is to do these in an area where you feel calm, safe and peaceful. Doing my affirmations in a bathroom is not effective for me, since so much of my abuse occurred in a bathroom.
Try these affirmations and let me know how they work for you.
Good luck and God bless, Hope
November 14, 2009
I hope this message finds you well. I'm swamped with Christmas plans this year. My son is home for the holidays for the first time in four years after his tour in the Navy. So, pardon the interruption. I plan to be active again after the new year begins. I appreciate your continued patience. In the meantime, please try the affirmations I describe below...they really work!! Until I'm back, please have a blessed Christmas and healing new year! Love, Hope
Greetings of Hope
My hope is that this message finds you well and on your unique path of healing. As the saying goes..."it takes as long as it takes."
Please don't beat yourself up if your path takes a detour now and then. Mine has taken me on many, but what counts is when you look back and see how far you've come. Hang in there no matter what! You WILL get there. Healing along the way, no matter how small it seems at the time can be HUGE. So, be patient with yourself and take good care of yourself. Blessings, Hope
This is the most powerful daily healing tool you will ever find:
(Please try this even if it feels "weird" at first.)
Daily Affirmations that Really Make a Difference
1. First create a list of the negative messages that play in your head. You know what I mean...we all do this. We say negative things to ourselves, especially when things aren't going our way. These are usually things that were verbally said or implied during your abuse as a child. Here are some of mine:
Your feelings aren't important.
You belong to me.
You are stupid.
Your needs aren't important.
Be sure to create your list as if someone else (your abuser) was talking. Try to come up with at least 20 of these messages. Start each with "you" or "your".
2. Next re-frame these negative messages and turn them into something positive. We need to believe that our feelings and needs ARE important, that our body belongs to us and that we are intelligent. Start each positive affirmation with "I" and end each with "for me". Here are mine re-framed from the above short list of examples:
I express my feelings for me.
I belong to me for me.
I am intelligent for me.
I take care of my needs for me.
Dr. Tolefson of the WIIT program believes it is important to frame each positive affirmation as something you do for yourself, and only yourself. If you are making changes for someone else, it can be just as damaging to your self-esteem as the negative messages.
3. Finally, say these positive, re-framed affirmations to yourself OUT LOUD, EVERY DAY for at least six months without a break. If you forget one day, start the six months time frame over again. It is important (I can attest to this personally) that you say these to yourself while looking in a mirror held very close to your face. All you want to see in the mirror are your eyes. When I first started these affirmations I said them in the bathroom mirror and got distracted by seeing my face and/or body in the mirror. I kept seeing flaws in the mirror and that was self-defeating! I went out and bought myself a small hand-held mirror I can hold close to my face and only look directly into my eyes. The thinking is that we were "brainwashed" in a way as children and we need to re-program our minds. The most effective way to do this is by looking directly into your own eyes. Another hint I have is to do these in an area where you feel calm, safe and peaceful. Doing my affirmations in a bathroom is not effective for me, since so much of my abuse occurred in a bathroom.
Try these affirmations and let me know how they work for you.
Your feelings aren't important.
