Inner Child Work
Re-Parenting Your Inner Child
Protecting Your Inner Child
Invoking the Protective Archetype
In addition to finding the nurturing parent within you, your inner child might feel even more secure and protected if you are able to call on an inner warrior of sorts. One of the reasons that I believe our inner children lack trust in the adult us is because we are so commonly distracted by the day-to-day activities of our adult lives. Outwardly, our adult self is torn so many directions on a daily basis, it is easy to forget about our inner children. Our outward adult self has so many responsibilities that cannot be ignored. Our careers, our spouses, our children, our churches, our clubs, our exercise routines, our diet and many other necessities of adult life usually come before our inner child...and rightfully so. However, all these adult responsibilities can lead to mistrust and a feeling of abandonment for our inner child. Even if you have found the most nurturing parent within your adult self, that may not be enough to provide the protection your inner child needs and deserves.
One way to guarantee this added protection is by conjuring up the "ideal" protector within you who will be available 24/7 for your inner child. This protective archetype may not necessarily be a parental figure. You may need to "create" and invoke a different archetype for each developmental stage of your inner child. For example, my inner infant, toddler and preschooler needed a more mothering protective archetype. A warrior figure was too frightening for them to trust. However, my school-age inner child and little teen or adolescent wanted a protector who could really "kick butt," so that's what I created for them.
The ideal protective archetype will vary for every person depending on gender, culture, background, religious belief and developmental stage of each inner child. What might work for some, may not work for all. Use what feels right to you and each or your inner children.
John Bradshaw, Lucia Capacchione and Judith Corvin-Blackburn all offer guided meditations within their books for creating, invoking and using a protective archetype to rescue and continually protect your inner child.
The best way I know to describe this is as follows:
- Choose a time when you will not be interrupted for at least an hour.
- Turn your cell phone OFF!
- Have some kleenex, paper and a pen or pencil ready.
Before the meditation, make three lists:
1) List the characteristics of your ideal mother.
2) List the characteristics of your ideal father.
3) List the characteristics of the ideal warrior or hero/heroine.
Make the lists from your adult perspective FIRST. Here are some examples:
Hope's Ideal Mother:
* Honest
* Dependable
* Genuine (NOT hypocritical or fake)
* Physically Fit (NOT fat)
* Athletic
* Artistic
* Appreciative
* Kind
* Christian (Active relationship with Christ...not just in church)
* Soft, Calm Voice (NOT sing-songy, patronizing or fake)
* Appropriately Affectionate
* Genuinely Loving
* Protective
* Trustworthy
* Interested in me and things that are important to me.
* Able to discipline appropriately with loving correction, without yelling, slapping, whipping or other types of verbal and physical abuse.
* Stylish without being overly sexy.
* Patient
* Caring
* Flexible
* Actively Involved
Hope's Ideal Father:
* Strong without being scary.
* Good provider without being a workaholic.
* Actively Involved
* Appropriately Affectionate
* Masculine without being "macho"
* Faithful to wife/mother
* Secure in his sexuality
* Honest
* Dependable
* Protective
* Kind
* Christian
* Appropriately Loving
* Trustworthy
* Able to discipline appropriately and effectively without invoking fear.
* Patient
* Caring
* Mentally Stable and Healthy
Hope's Ideal Hero:
* Strong
* Invincible
* All Powerful
* Wise
* Omnipotent
* Kind
* Empowered with Full Authority
* A Consistent, Positive Example
* A True Friend
* Inspirational
* Strong Leader
* Above Temptation
* My Advocate
* Eternal
* Faithful
* Protective
* A Healer
* Righteous/Just
* Humble (Not Cocky)
* Dependable
* Miraculous
* Pure of Heart
As you develop your lists, you may notice that some of the characteristics overlap. It is normal that your ideal mother, father and hero would have some of the same amazing qualities. Don't try to critique your lists or judge them unrealistic. Just write down the qualities that first come to mind as important to you PERSONALLY.
As you develop your list of the ideal hero, you may notice that some of these characteristics resemble those of a higher power. When I was writing my list of heroic qualities I noticed that they resembled the characteristics of Jesus Christ. John Bradshaw believes that telling your inner child about your higher power is a "powerful source of potency." During this meditation, I did not find the need to create a protective hero archetype, because I already believed in one that I rely on to protect me...someone greater than myself. I call this being God.
(John Bradshaw provides more suggestions on how to tell your inner child about your higher power on pages 177 and 178 of his Homecoming book.)
It is perfectly acceptable to use the image of your higher power when invoking your protective archetype to rescue and protect your inner child. Or, if you do not believe in a higher power, it can be just as effective to create a protective archetype based on the ideal characteristics you associate with a hero. This ideal will vary based on your individual beliefs, culture, background, religion and other social experiences. The important thing is to create an image of a protective archetype that YOUR inner children take seriously to protect them in any situation, around the clock, FOREVER.
Once you feel comfortable and confident that you have captured the essence of the ideal mother, father and protective hero, it is time to invoke this archetype via meditation:
- Get in a comfortable position - Either recline or lie down.
- Close your eyes and take some deep, cleansing breaths.
- Coax your inner child out into the open. Use some of the ideas on the page
where we first discuss Meeting Your Inner Child, if you have problems.
Work with the first inner child that appears. Let him know you are glad to see
him. Re-affirm your inner child if he appears to be timid or untrusting. If you
have trouble re-connecting with your inner child using just your imagination,
use the journaling techniques we've discussed on the Meeting Your Inner Child page:
Find out your inner child's name.Find out how old your inner child is.Find out WHERE your inner child is.Find out how your inner child is feeling. Use your dominant hand to ask the questions and use your non-dominant
hand to answer them.
- Once your inner child is participating in an open dialogue, either in your mind
or on paper, ask them what their idea of the ideal mother, father and hero are.
If it is helpful, ask the questions one at a time using your dominant hand and
write what comes with your non-dominant hand. Welcome your inner child to
draw pictures if the words to describe their ideal mother, father or hero are not
coming or the adult you is having trouble understanding what a very young
inner child is trying to communicate.
- Add these characteristics to the lists the adult you created earlier. Notice how
many of them are in agreement. Add the unique or different qualities your
inner child suggested to your lists even if you don't agree with them.
- Praise your inner child for coming up with such great qualities.
- Invite your inner child to help you create the ideal protective archetype by
combining the qualities you both came up with.
- Ask your inner child what this ideal person looks like. Picture this ideal person
in your mind or ask your inner child to draw a picture of them.
- Once you have a clear "picture" of this ideal protective archetype that is
preferred by this particular inner child in your mind you can continue with the
rest of the meditation:
Rescue Your Inner Child (One at a time)
- Get in a comfortable position - recline or lie down.
- Close your eyes and take some deep, cleansing breaths.
- In your minds eye, picture the ideal protective archetype that is preferred by
the particular inner child you are working with. Picture this "hero", whether it is
the adult you, an ideal mother, an ideal father, an ideal super hero, a higher
power or a combination of all of those things, until you have a very clear image
in your mind. John Bradshaw's protective archetype looks like a kindly, wise
old wizard. If you feel any resistance about the appearance of your archetype,
try to adjust this mental picture until it feels right to your inner child.
For example, my very young inner children did not feel comfortable
with a warrior figure as their protective archetype. They desperately
needed and yearned for a mother figure. These very young inner
children were jealous of my adult children, so the adult me was not
a sufficient archetype for them either. These inner children helped me
create an ideal mother figure. Her name is Angela. She is about 5' 8"
tall with dark brown hair. She is thin, but muscular and strong. Angela
always appears wearing a sunny yellow dress with flowers on it. She
has very soft, hazel eyes that sparkle. Now that they have been
rescued, my young inner children like to sit on Angela's lap in a
rocking chair or on a porch swing.
- Picture this ideal protector standing OUTSIDE the location where your inner
child told you they were earlier. Chances are, your inner child is still stuck in
the place where the most heinous of the abuses you suffered as a child
occurred. I found my inner child cowering inside the closet of the bedroom
my twin and I shared inside the "horror house" of our early childhood.
- Now, using an inner feeling of confidence, authority and power, picture your
ideal archetype rescuing your inner child. Here are some possibilities:
Break down the door!Stride purposefully past your abuser(s).Hold out a spear, sword or shield to ward off any would-be enemies who might try and interfere with the rescue
mission. Use the weapon to destroy anyone or anything
standing between your ideal hero archetype and your inner child.Break down any other doors standing in your way (i.e. bedroom, bathroom, basement or closet doors).
Scoop your inner child up in your archetype's arms.Hug your inner child.Tell your inner child you are there to rescue them.Purposefully stride or fly out of the scary location withyour inner child safely nestled in your hero's arms.Carry your inner child far, far away from the feared location.Place your inner child in a comfy, secure place (a swing, hammock, sleeping bag or rocking chair might
work...use your intuition based on your inner child's likes
and needs.)Leave your hero archetype standing on guard.Promise to be back soon.Note: You may need to repeat this meditation using the preferred archetype of each of your inner children, depending on their developmental stages and what makes them feel safe and protected.
You are now ready to create a mental safe place for each inner child.
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© 2006 Hope Forus All Rights Reserved
Hope Forus is a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book on the subject that will include other self-help ideas like this. You can contact her at:
hope4us61@msn.com To be kept informed as to the publication of her book, please sign the guest book.
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
