Inner Child Work
Re-Parenting Your Inner Child
Validation, Apologies & Forgiveness
One of the best ways to build trust and establish your effectiveness as a nurturing parent to your inner child is to ask his forgiveness. Forgiveness for what, you might ask. After all, you are the adult who made it through all of the abuse and managed to survive. What do I have to apologize for? My inner child should just be glad we're alive, you might think. Well, before you click to another page, please hear me out.
You have to remember that your inner child is a separate part of you psyche who still thinks like a child. To him, you're just another grownup who has neglected and hurt him...maybe for decades. If you really want to heal and re-parent your inner child, a few apologies might be in order.
The most obvious apology will be for neglecting him all those years after you became an adult, but did not recognize that you had a wounded inner child within you. Your inner child needs to be validated. You will probably find that you won't have much success in healing your wounded inner child unless you seek his forgiveness for this neglect.
One of the best ways to do this is to write a letter to your inner child. Using your dominant hand (right if you're right handed, left if you're left handed) write a letter to your inner child. Here are things you might want to acknowledge in your letter:
Use your inner child's preferred name.Tell him that you love him just the way he is.Tell him that you are sorry for neglecting him all those years after you became an adult.
Apologize specifically for anything the adult you did to numb or block your true feelings about your abuse, violation, assault or trauma or in
general placed your inner child at risk. This could include:
- Using illegal drugs.- Using prescription drugs to excess.- Using alcohol to excess.- Attempted suicide.- Sexual promiscuity.- Unprotected sex.- Prostitution.- Running away - placing yourself at risk.- Participating in dangerous, high risk activities.- Being a workaholic.- Dating or marrying abusive partners.Next, using your non-dominant hand (the one you don't normally write with), write a reply from your inner child. If you have trouble coaxing your inner child out into the open, please use some of the suggestions on the Meet Your Inner Child page.
Keep working, admitting your neglect, sincerely apologizing and asking for forgiveness until you get a response from your inner child like this:
"Dear Big Hope: I forgive you. Please don't ever leave me again!"
Once you have the forgiveness of your inner child, the next step in re-parenting them is to learn how to protect them.
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© 2006 Hope Forus All Rights Reserved
Hope Forus is a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book on the subject that will include other self-help ideas like this. You can contact her at:
hope4us61@msn.com To be kept informed as to the publication of her book, please sign the guest book.
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
