Now that you have rescued your inner children from the place in which you were abused with your protective archetype, it is essential to have a safe, comfortable place for them to "reside" while the adult you is busy with your day-to-day life. Try to create a mental safe place that is ideal for each of your unique inner children. For your inner infant and toddler a comfy room or two will probably be sufficient to make them feel safe and comfortable. For older inner children, you may find they prefer a more imaginative domicile with multiple rooms for their various needs. This is one area in which you can use an unlimited imagination to indulge your inner child. Don't be afraid to get creative. Remember, you are creating these "homes" in your mind, so nothing is outside the realm of possibility!
Create a mental safe place for EACH inner child. Each inner child will have different preferences at each developmental stage. What feels right for the infant, toddler or preschool child may not feel right for the school-aged child or inner adolescent. Try to remember what interested you and brought you joy as a child at differing developmental stages. Make a list of your special gifts. What did you excel at in school? What sports were you involved in? What activities did you enjoy at summer camp? If you had time to yourself and you were not allowed to watch TV, what were you most inclined to do. Listen to music? Read? Draw? Which of your gifts were stifled by your parents or other critical care givers? These are parts of your authentic self that you may have forgotten about.
Do a meditation to bring out each of your inner children. If you need help coaxing them out into the open, please use some of the suggestions on the Meet Your Inner Child page. Have paper and pen, pencil or crayons handy. After you're relaxed and feel that one of your inner children are present, sit up and do some journaling with them. Title separate pieces of paper with the age of each of your inner children: infant, toddler, preschooler, school-age child and adolescent or little teen. Remember, you may not have an inner child that falls neatly within each of these developmental stages. For example, I only have three distinct inner children: a preschooler about the age of three, a school-aged child who is about 10 and an angry, protective little teen who is about 13. If it's easier for you, title each page with the name each inner child has told you they prefer. Ask each inner child what they like to do and what preferences they have. Write each question using your adult, dominant hand. Answer each question using your non-dominant hand from your inner child's perspective. Be sure to use language that will make sense to each child within their developmental stages. Let your younger inner children draw pictures of their preferences if they have trouble describing what it is they are trying to tell you. Here are some examples and possibilities:
Your inner infant's needs and desires will be pretty basic. They will choose items for their safe place that are appropriate for their early developmental needs. Here are a few things they might request of the adult you:
right to you and your inner infant. Of course, this will have to be
the FEMALE, ideal mother archetype in order to make sense.
Toys: Don't over-stimulate your inner infant with too many toys. Keep
toys simple and basic. Some blocks, soft stuffed animals and
some teething rings are plenty to keep your inner infant
entertained.
Your inner toddler's needs and desires will be pretty basic as well. They will probably ask for more toys and play things than what felt appropriate for the inner infant. Here are a few things they might request of the adult you:
Furnishings: Crib or Toddler Bed, Rocking Chair, Changing Table, Blankets,
Pillows, Toy Box, Child-Sized Table and Chairs.
Clothing: Most toddlers don't have much use for clothing. As long as they
are dry and warm, a diaper is probably all they will want to
wear. However, you may want to have some blanket sleepers
and simple clothing available for them. Include shoes and warm
outer wear so that your toddler can venture outside if she wants. Food: Unlike infants, toddlers' food needs are the building blocks for
a healthy appetite later in life. Make sure to have lots of healthy
options available to them, like milk, fruit juice, water, cereal
they can pick up with their fingers, fruits, cooked vegetables and
meats.
Toys: Make sure you have a play area set up for your inner toddler.
This can be a separate room or a dedicated area within a
bedroom. Make sure soft, safe toys are easily accessible to your
curious toddler. Do not be surprised to find that your inner
toddler desires items that were not available to you at that age.
For instance, your inner toddler might want to play some of the
latest computer learning games or Leap Frog tools. It's okay to
provide for these types of activities in your mental safe place, but
keep them safely out of reach. You can make arrangements to
have your protective archetype supervise these types of activities. Be sure to provide lots of fat, colorful crayons, coloring
books and paper for your inner toddler. You might also want to
include a child-sized easel with a chalk board and colorful chalk.
Your inner preschooler's needs and desires will be more complex than that of your inner toddler. They will probably ask for quite a few toys and play things. Here are a few things they might request of the adult you:
Furnishings: Bed, Dresser, Blankets, Pillows, Toy Box, Child-Sized Table and
Chairs, Computer, Sleeping Bag.
Clothing: Unlike toddlers and infants, your inner preschooler may have
distinct preferences for clothing. Include shoes and warm
outer wear so that your preschooler can venture outside if she
wants.
Food: Like toddlers, preschoolers' food needs are the building blocks
for a healthy appetite later in life. Make sure to have lots of
healthy options available to them, like milk, fruit juice, water,
cereal, crackers, fruits, vegetables, meats. At this stage, it is
fine to introduce some other less healthy food options as long
as there is a balance. Some preschooler favorites might include
mac & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, pizza and spaghetti.
Toys: Make sure you have a play area set up for your preschooler.
This can be a separate room or a dedicated area within a
bedroom. Make sure to have a variety of safe toys that are easily
accessible to your preschooler. Do not be surprised to find that
your inner preschooler desires items that were not available to
you at that age. For instance, your inner preschooler might want
to play some of the latest computer games or video games. It's
okay to provide for these types of activities in your mental safe
place. Be sure to provide lots of creative outlets to your inner
preschooler like story books, coloring books, etc. You might
want to include a child-sized easel with paper for finger
painting. It's during this stage that make believe and pretend
are an important part of a child's development. Be sure to
provide costumes and props for dress-up play.
Pets:It's at this stage that your inner child may request a pet to care
for and keep them company. This is one area where I believe
it's perfectly fine to indulge your inner child. Did you always
want a pony growing up? Go ahead and provide one for your
inner preschooler. Has a beloved family pet long since passed
away? Bring that pet back for your inner child to love and
care for. The limitations of reality are not a problem for your
inner child's safe place.
Scroll Down to Continue Creating Homes for Your Inner Children
If you always wanted a pony as a child and Santa Claus never came through, this is the time to indulge yourself! Within your inner child's safe place you can have any pets you want, without the mess! These pets never run away or die. You can give your inner child some responsibility by having her care for the pets, or your protective archetype can be their caretaker. Your imagination is the only limit to the possibilities here.
Your inner school-age child's needs and desires will be even more complex than that of your inner preschooler. They may ask for many toys and some pretty sophisticated things that may not have been available to you at that age. Here are some ideas:
Housing: For the first time, your inner child might be very opinionated
about the actual construction of their safe place. You may
need to create an entire house complete with a yard and play
set for them. They might not be interested in a traditional house.
Don't be afraid to indulge your inner school-age child by
"building" a fort, castle, tree house or other dream place. Your
inner school-age child might want to reside in a place that does
not exist in reality. They might feel safer inside a dorm-like
setting at Hog Warts from the Harry Potter stories. He may be
attracted to current day movie sets or you may find he is longing
to reside within a setting from stories, TV shows or movies from
your past. They might want separate rooms for various activities.
A large castle can accommodate a private theatre, bowling alley,
basketball courts, swimming pool, etc.
Furnishings: Bed, Dresser, Blankets, Pillows, Toy Box, Computer Table and
Computer, Video Game System, TV, Sleeping Bag, Book
Shelves, Art Board/Easel, Bean Bags, Chairs.
Clothing: Your inner school-age child will most likely have very clear
preferences for clothing. Include anything that makes them feel
comfortable. Be sure to include shoes and warm outer wear so
that your school-aged child can go outside when he wants.
Food: Make sure to have lots of healthy options available to them, but
don't be afraid to indulge them a bit with cookies, candy, etc. If
you grew up without many luxuries, your inner child might
resent and distrust you if you refuse to provide them with a few
special snacks and treats.
Toys: Make sure you have a play area set up for your inner school-age
child. This can be a separate building, room or a dedicated area within a bedroom. For the first time, your inner child will be
able to read. Make sure to have a variety of books and games
in addition to toys that are available to your school-aged child.
For the first time, your inner child might also have the desire to
participate in team sports. You can mentally bring back
childhood friends or allow your inner protective archetype to
play sports and games with your inner child. Do not be surprised
to find that your inner school-aged child desires items that were
not available to you at that age. For instance, your inner child
might want to play some of the latest computer games or video
games. It's okay to provide for these types of activities in your
mental safe place. Just be sure that games, movies and TV
programs you make available are age appropriate for the
maturity level of your inner child. Be sure to provide lots of
creative outlets to your inner school-aged child like paper,
crayons, markers, colored pencils, stamps with ink, yarn, crafts, paints, etc.
Be sure to include your inner child's pets at this stage.
Scroll Down to
Create a Home for
Your Inner Adolescent
or Little Teen
Don't be surprised if your inner adolescent's requests are actually fewer than that of your inner school-age child. However, they will most likely be very adamant and specific about what they require and expect. Here are a few things they might request of the adult you:
Furnishings: In addition to the basic furnishings, your inner teen will probably
want a very specific decor for their surroundings. INDULGE!
Clothing: During this developmental stage, kids can be very particular
about what they wear. Your inner adolescent will be no
different. When doing the meditation, ask your little teen to be
specific about where their clothes should be "purchased."
Food: Make healthy choices as well as some indulgent snacks and
treats available to your inner adolescent. They may also be
interested in cooking and baking at this stage. Make kitchen
appliances available if that's a desire of your inner teen. Your
protective archetype can supervise or you can conjure up a
famous chef to give your inner adolescent some cooking tips.
Misc.: Your little teen may not want any toys per se, but they will
probably want some items to keep them entertained and
stimulated. Continue to make games and team sports available
during this stage, along with anything else your inner adolescent
has an interest in or passion for. Did you miss out on learning to
dance or play a musical instrument as a kid? Go ahead and
make these available to your inner teen now. Indulge your inner
adolescent in any personal care items that help them feel good
about themselves.
Click here to return to the Inner Child main page.
Hope Forus is a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book on the subject that will include other self-help ideas like this. You can contact her at:
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
Now that your inner child feels safe and secure, no longer residing in the scary places from your past, they will feel safe to help the adult you do some original pain feeling work. Please check back soon as I add to this important next step in inner child work on October 9, 2006.
