Inner Child Work
Affirm Your Inner Preschooler
Unlike when you were an infant and toddler, you probably have some memories of your preschool years. You may have sufficient memories to realize that you were neglected and/or abused during this stage of your childhood. However, if you are not certain, John Bradshaw provides an "Index of Suspicion" on page 123 of his Homecoming book you can take to confirm your suspicions.
If you are like me, affirming your inner preschooler can be much more emotional than affirming your infant and toddler. For one thing, I have very vivid memories from my preschool years and this is when the sexual abuse started for me. Since I was a twin, some of my developmental needs as an infant and toddler were received from my beloved sister. While my sister and I were left alone often as infants and toddlers (suggesting neglect), we were able to use this time to develop a deep bond with each other. We found love, acceptance and security in the eyes of each other. I think this is the reason that I did not internalize many unmet needs from these first two stages.
My preschool years were a different story. While I continued to enjoy the unconditional love and acceptance of my twin, it became painfully obvious to me that the eyes of my parents reflected less nourishing emotions. The eyes of my parents reflected lust, jealousy, pain and downright evil. I needed to affirm my inner preschooler many times as an adult before I was able to feel that she believed what I said.
Affirmations for the Inner Preschooler
In addition to the affirmations that ALL inner children need to hear; "I'm glad you're here, I love you just the way you are and I will never leave you," your inner preschooler needs to hear affirmations that are specific to this third stage of child development:
Little ___________________, I love watching you grow.
Use the name preferred by your inner preschooler even if it is not your given name or if it is different than the name your other inner children prefer.
I will be here for you to test your boundaries and find out your limits.
It's okay for you to think for yourself. You can think about your feelings and have feelings about what you're thinking.
I like your life energy; I like your curiosity about sex.
It is at this stage that normal, natural curiosity about sex begins. If you were sexually abused during this critical developmental stage, it may have caused you great confusion. My confusion was compounded by the fact that it was my father who was sexually abusing me and required I keep this secret. When I did try to talk to my mother about the many things that confused me, I was always told I was a "bad" girl. I had one parent telling me what he did was normal for "daddies who loved their little girls" and I had another parent who was telling me I was "bad" because I participated. The adult me worked very hard convincing my inner preschooler of this affirmation, but it can be done. Don't give up if this one is difficult for you.
It's okay to find out the difference between boys and girls.
I'll set limits for you to help you find out who you are.
It's okay for you to be different; to have your own views on things.
It's okay to imagine things without being afraid they'll come true. I'll help you separate fantasy from reality.
I like it that you're a boy/girl.
My inner school-age child really needed to hear this since my father had told me how "icky" I was for being female. It's okay to use affirmations from earlier stages if you feel that a particular affirmation is needed more during a later developmental stage of your inner child. Sometimes, the emotions that got stuck with an individual inner child, may have been typically more age appropriate at an earlier stage. This does not mean these feelings are not valid and still in need of acknowledgement!
It's okay to cry even though you are growing up.
A lot of tears may come after the adult you gives your inner child permission to cry. Have tissues handy!
It's good for you to find out the appropriate consequences of your behavior. Emphasis on appropriate mine.
You can ask for what you want.
This is an important affirmation for almost everyone at any age beyond this to learn. I know many adults who still don't know how to ask for what they want!
You can ask questions if something confuses you.
As a child, I was not allowed to ask questions. This was very liberating to discover!
You are not responsible for your parents' marriage.
You are not responsible for your dad.
You are not responsible for your mom.
You are not responsible for the family problems.
You are not responsible for your parents' divorce.
It's okay to explore who you are.
These affirmations were developed by John Bradshaw and he recommends that you do some meditation to use them to affirm your inner preschooler. He recommends that you devote an hour of uninterrupted time for this. He also recommends and I can speak from experience, that you have a box of Kleenex close at hand. His Homecoming book includes some excellent suggestions for getting relaxed and in touch with your inner preschooler before you say these affirmations. Before you say them out loud to your inner child, first read them slowly and really let their meaning sink in.
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