Inner Child Work
Affirm Your Inner School-Age Child
Like your preschool days, you probably remember much from your school days. However, if like me, you suffered very heinous abuse during this time, you may have incomplete memories. As a means of survival, our awesome brains will often block memories that are too horrific for us to remember, or until a time that we are strong enough to remember. If this has happened to you, but you feel strongly that you were neglected and/or abused during your school-age years, based on witnessing others in your family being abused or from overhearing re-told stories of abuse in your family, John Bradshaw supplies an "Index of Suspicion" beginning on page 140 of his Homecoming book.
Just as in earlier developmental stages, your inner school-age child will have internalized unmet needs from that period of your childhood. It is an important part of recovery to acknowledge and affirm those needs now, as an adult.
Like my inner preschooler, affirming my inner school-age child was much more emotional for me than the first two stages. Please be in a place where you feel safe, strong and rested before doing the affirmations for your school-age inner child. Have some Kleenex handy before you begin.
Affirmations for the School-Age Inner Child
Little _________________, you can be who you are at school. You can stand up for yourself and I will support you.
Use the name preferred by your inner school-age child, even if it is not your given name.
It's okay to learn to do things your way.
It's okay to think about things and try them out before making them your own.
You can trust your own judgements; you need only take the consequences of YOUR choices.
Most abused children believe that the abuse they suffer is THEIR fault. It's important to let our inner child know that the abuse was NOT their fault and that they are only responsible for their choices. Deciding to abuse us was a choice that our abuser made NOT us!
You can do things your own way and it's okay to disagree.
You may need to affirm this to your inner school-age child many times before it feels believable to them. Many children are not allowed the freedom to disagree even if they are not physically or sexually abused. As their adult caretaker, you now have the freedom to learn how to disagree in a respectful way.
You can trust your feelings. If you're afraid, please tell me.
It's okay to be afraid. We can talk about it.
You can choose your own friends.
You can dress the way the other kids dress, or you can dress your own way.
You deserve to have the things you want.
I like it that you're a boy/girl.
My inner school-age child needed to hear this even though John Bradshaw does not include it in his list of affirmations for the school-age child. It was important that my inner school-age child believe this because my father had convinced her that she was "icky" for being a girl at this stage of development. I affirmed my inner preschooler about this as well, but it did not have as much meaning for her since the "blood ritual" had not yet taken place during the preschool stage of my childhood development. It took place during this stage, so I used this affirmation a lot during the inner child work I did with my school-age inner child.
I'm willing to be with you no matter what.
I love you, Little _________________.
In addition to the affirmations that ALL inner children need to hear; "I'm glad you're here, I love you just the way you are and I will never leave you," your inner school-age child needs to hear affirmations that are specific to this fourth stage of child development:
These affirmations were developed by John Bradshaw and he recommends that you do some meditation to use them to affirm your inner school-age child. He recommends that you devote an hour of uninterrupted time for this. He also recommends and I can speak from experience, that you have a box of Kleenex close at hand. His Homecoming book includes some excellent suggestions for getting relaxed and in touch with your inner school-age child before you say these affirmations. Before you say them out loud to your inner child, first read them slowly and really let their meaning sink in.
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