InspirationOct2006

As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been gone a long while. I have DID and I've been busy incorporating 20 of my 23 alters/parts. This has been exhausting, but effective work.

I am going to get more involved again with my Web site and my book. I want to thank everyone for their patience and continued support these past couple of years. I appreciate all of the prayers and positive thoughts sent my way!

As always, my hope is that I can be an inspiration to other survivors of sexual violence, abuse and other forms of trauma. As we heal, we can come out of our dark cocoon, spread our wings and fly free from our past. On these pages, I hope to provide bits of wisdom that might benefit, comfort or inspire you along your healing journey.

See below for material posted October 11, 2006.

To read more past bits of inspiration, please click here for the archives.

More to come soon, I promise

God bless, Hope

Visitation

April 2005

What was your name?

I'll never learn,

But you let me sleep,

You took no turn.

Mommy left me

By the gate,

On the other end,

My Dad would wait.

I had my paper,

Crayons too,

But petrified,

I'd never flew.

I sat by you,

I buckled in,

Clinched my fists,

Heard engines spin.

You had a beard,

A blazer on,

Your hair was graying,

Almost gone.

Your glasses round,

Your face soft pink,

What of this boy

Did you think?

Did you know darkness,

Deeds of night,

Booze and blood,

Fist and fight?

Did you know her way,

Her negligence,

How she took away

My innocence?

How she took her drink,

And touched me there,

How the Cowan brothers raped,

But she didn't care?

What was your name?

I'll never learn,

But you let me sleep,

You took no turn.

On the plane we sat,

Of death I feared,

As engines whirred,

And takeoff neared.

Thump, thump, thump and up,

Away we've flown,

To horrors

That remained unknown.

But above the clouds,

No fights, no fear

God's breath on wings,

Is all I hear.

I find such calm,

So smooth and blue,

I slowly rested

My head on you.

When I woke up,

You simply said,

You were glad to let me

Rest my head.

You patted me softly

With your hand,

Said I seemed so worn

For such a little man.

Said keep your faith,

In the God you know,

And joy and love

And life will grow.

Your kindness and warmth,

They made me see,

That with love and hope,

What could I be?

What was your name?

I'll never learn,

But you let me sleep,

You took no turn.

I want to thank Bryan Specht for allowing me to re-print his poem, "Visitation." It's a touching reminder that there are kind, caring people in the world who do NOT hurt children and Bryan was blessed to encounter one of these kind souls on a trip to visit his father as a young boy.

It's also a reminder that males can be sexual abuse survivors as well. There are so many of us female survivors out there that sometimes we forget about the guys who have suffered. I have been guilty of that myself and want to thank Bryan for these tender reminders!

Love and light, Hope

What you mean to me....

You're the sunshine

when it's raining

You're my life

when my breathe is draining

You're the hope in my tomorrow

You're my heart

when I feel sorrow

You're the birds

I hear singing

Meaning to my life

is what you're bringing

You're the soul

I thought I'd lost

Love you give freely

with no ties and no cost

You're the laughter

I remember

You're the fire

that was only an ember

You're the dreams

when nights seem cold

Forever with you

until we grow old

You're the sparkle

in my eye

Before I met you

I wanted to die

You're the fragrance

that I smell

I no longer

live in hell

With each touch

you heal my pain

With each word

you remove the stain

Of a past

I didn't deserve

You give me strength

when I have no nerve

You're my friend

I love you so

My oath to you

I'll never go

You are my soulmate

my love, my life

It would be my honor

to become your wife

~Melissa Marie~

"The Walking Dead"

(Emotional Rape)

by Joanne Ellice (written 11/16/93)

I un-fondly call them

The walking dead,

Those who ignore their heart,

and follow their head.

Those who choose to never live,

for fear that they might die,

They push, they pull, manipulate,

Turn love into a lie.

Their actions and their words conflict,

Confront them and they run,

With no conscience, remorse or empathy,

They kill souls, sometimes just for fun.

Charming, funny, beautiful eyes,

You fall in love with their child inside,

You're the chosen one, till you get too close, and there's nowhere left to hide.

It's then they know you need them most,

The challenge for them is done,

Your life they played with like a toy,

For them the game is won.

On their way out, they'll tear you apart,

Your reality they'll deny,

They'll twist and turn it all on you,

And leave you there to die.