Inner Child Work
Re-Parenting Your Inner Child
Original Pain Feeling Work - GRIEF
I want to suggest to anyone wanting to try this exercise to allow TWO days for the grieving process as you may have a delayed reaction and be unable to grieve until the second day, as I did. It was however, very helpful! Thanks again to my MySpace friend, Tammy for suggesting it.
God bless, Hope
© 2006 Hope Forus All Rights Reserved
Hope Forus is a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book on the subject that will include other self-help ideas like this. You can contact her at:
hope4us61@msn.com To be kept informed as to the publication of her book, please sign the guest book.
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
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How to Perform a Funeral for a Lost Childhood
First, let me say that I think it is important to stress that the funeral ceremony you are having is for your lost child-hood, not your inner child. I think this is an important distinction to make. Your inner child is part of your psyche...the part of your person that got wounded as a young child...the part of you that still thinks and sometimes acts like a child.
If you are doing any of the exercises I've provided in the Inner Child Healing section, then you already know that working with your inner child can be very important and productive in the recovery process. On these pages, you have learned how to rescue your inner child from the location in which your abuse took place and now have a mental safe place for them where they feel comfortable and secure. If your inner child believes you are having a funeral for them, they won't be able to help you heal in the future.
If necessary, have a dialogue with your inner child before attempting the funeral ceremony to make it clear to them that this is a way to release grief for your lost childhood, NOT that you are grieving over losing them. Once you feel comfortable with the idea, you can begin:
1. Write a eulogy for your lost childhood. (See below for mine.) I think its okay to use your given
name within the eulogy as long as your inner child feels comfortable with the whole idea.
2. Gather old photos and mementos from your childhood. I made photocopies of my pictures so that
I would not lose the actual photographs. I used photos of me at the age in which the most heinous
of my abuse took place (from around 3 to 9). I also included photos of others dear to me during
that time...my twin and our cat.
3. Purchase or make a small coffin. The bigger the casket, the larger the hole you will have to dig.
The coffin my husband made was about 3 inches deep, 6 inches wide and 10 inches long.
4. Purchase some sort of grave marker and/or flowers. I used a small, concrete angel that was really
a lawn ornament. I picked sweet smelling gardenias from my garden, since that's my favorite
flower.
5. Dig a hole that will be large enough to bury the casket and cover completely with earth.
6. Have the funeral ceremony. Since it was getting dark, I lit some candles. I waited to place the
photos inside the little coffin during the ceremony. I kissed each one as I placed them inside. I
read the eulogy out loud and placed it inside the coffin last. I placed the casket inside the hole I
had dug and covered it with the earth I had previously shoveled out. I placed the angel marker and gardenias on top. I said goodbye and sat in silence for quite awhile. I prayed for God to remove
some of my burden of grief.
7. Allow yourself time to grieve...which may not happen immediately. As I mentioned in my blog, you
may experience a delayed reaction of grief. Allow yourself enough time for this process.
Precious Child, Hope
Precious child, Hope
My heart is broken for you
You were a gift from God
But, they did not see that it was true
You were so small and helpless
You weren't allowed to cry
You were helpless against him
I know you wanted to die
I know that you missed heaven
Being with God and all the angels there
But, God had a plan you could not see
So, He left you for your twin to care
She loved you, but could not help
She was even more terrified than you
I'm sorry you had to watch him hurt her
That's something no one should ever have to do
It's not your fault he hurt her
Nor that your mother made her feel shame
It was enough that you loved her
It helped her get through the pain
Though your parents were biological
They were not the kind that are true
Your true Father is in heaven
And that is where you are now too!
I'm sorry the monster murdered your precious soul
There was no one to help you then
Rest here in peace my precious child
Until I can be with you again.
© 2006 Hope Forus – All rights reserved.
Precious Child, Hope - A Eulogy
This is the eulogy I wrote for the funeral ceremony...grieving over my lost childhood, my lost innocence, the fact that I had no parents who loved me and the fact that I had to witness my twin suffer, knowing that I was helpless to protect her. I wrote this a couple of days before the actual funeral ceremony so that the meaning had time to sink in. I'm not much of a poet, but these words came from the heart:
This is where my lost innocence rests in peace.
Please Note: I'll be honest, I was a little depressed following this exercise. I did find much release for the grief, but then some of the realizations hit me like a ton of bricks! I guess that's why our brains like to block painful thoughts from our minds...because it's painful! I used some meditations the week following this funeral ceremony and it was VERY helpful in getting me out of my depressed funk and back on track. If you'd like to try the same meditation, please click here.
