Triggers and Phobias
Triggers are part of what’s known as Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) defined by the mental health community as: “A common anxiety disorder that develops after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. PTSD can occur in people of any age, including children and adolescents. More than twice as many women as men experience PTSD following exposure to trauma.”
“The diagnosis of PTSD requires that one or more symptoms from each of the following categories be present for at least a month and that symptom or symptoms must seriously interfere with leading a normal life:
• Reliving the event through upsetting thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks, or having very
strong mental and physical reactions if something reminds the person of the event.
• Avoiding activities, thoughts, feelings or conversations that remind the person of the
event; feeling numb to one's surroundings; or being unable to remember details of the event.
• Having a loss of interest in important activities, feeling all alone, being unable to have normal
emotions or feeling that there is nothing to look forward to in the future may also be
experienced.
• Feeling that one can never relax and must be on guard all the time to protect oneself, trouble
sleeping, feeling irritable, overreacting when startled, angry outbursts or trouble
concentrating.”
“Giving people an opportunity to talk about their experiences very soon after a catastrophic event may reduce some of the symptoms of PTSD. A study of 12,000 school children who lived through a hurricane in Hawaii found that those who got counseling early on were doing much better 2 years later than those who did not.”
Definition provided by: MedicineNet.com
Unfortunately, most of us were not given the opportunity to talk about our abuse experiences! Many times we were threatened with bodily harm or death if we revealed our secret to anyone. Because of these very real threats (whether expressly stated or implied), most of us have carried this secret in silence for decades…maybe even a life time! This causes our understandably justified feelings of terror, rage and grief to be stuffed down inside of us. Then, sometimes years or decades later, when we experience an object, person or event that in some way reminds us of our original abuse or trauma, these powerful emotions can come exploding to the surface.
In my experience, these objects, people or events can be almost anything that involves any of the five senses. Triggers can be something you see, touch/feel, taste, smell or hear. Just because you cannot see something that acts as a trigger for you does not mean there is not a powerful emotional association.
Trigger Warning:
For example, when I was a little girl I tried to hide from my abusive father. I would lay face down on the cold bare hardwood floor under my bed and pray that he would not find me. He always did and would grab me by the ankles and drag me out. What followed was always some type of sexual or physical abuse or both.
End of Trigger Warning
For me, the feel of bare hardwood floors acts as a trigger to these past emotions of fear. However, seeing hard wood floors triggers no emotions for me at all. I have hardwood floors installed in part of my home and it does not bother me to see them. On the other hand, I would NEVER consider sitting or lying down on them! Bare hardwood floors are a tactile trigger for me.
Triggers can affect one or more of the senses simultaneously. One of my most powerful triggers is blood. For me, seeing, feeling and smelling blood can trigger deep emotions of horror for me. I still do not know the source of the blood my father wiped on me during ritualistic abuse I suffered, but the blood was always cold like he had kept it in the refrigerator. Today, just looking at blood drippings from raw meat, touching or smelling that blood when I’m cooking can trigger very strong emotions for me about the horror and confusion I felt during the original abuse.
Triggers can be abstract, like words, colors or shapes. They do not have to be things that occur in reality. For example, a made up word that was used by your abuser can act as a trigger for you. You may not ever understand what the nonsensical word meant or referred to, but this does not mean that you cannot identify it and work to lessen the impact of the trigger associated with it. A trigger in and of itself does not have to be an unpleasant thing. Many abuse survivors have triggers involving blood, feces, semen, body odor, bad breath, etc. However, pleasant sights, sounds, touch, smells and tastes can also act as powerful triggers for you. Don’t think a trigger is non-existent because it involves something normally associated with pleasure or enjoyment.
Phobias are defined by Webster’s as “persistent illogical fears”. I want to caution everyone here. Triggers are NOT illogical fears! It is completely logical that a person would be afraid to re-live heinous physical, emotional or sexual abuse. It makes perfect sense that something you saw, felt, smelled, tasted or heard while this abuse was happening might later act as a trigger of those past emotions. However, from my experience, I do believe that perfectly logical triggers can evolve in to full blown phobias if they are not identified and dealt with. If a logical fear is allowed to fester and build over the years and the abuse survivor is not given any help to deal with these intensely emotional triggers, they can turn in to phobias.
I went through a period of time where I was in therapy but I had never talked about my emotional triggers. I was working hard at releasing old pent up rage, sadness and grief. During this time of my recovery, I felt some relief about issues resulting from my abuse, but some of the fears I had about certain things that reminded me of my abuse continued to grow. I did not yet know about triggers or understand what that word meant. When I was faced with a situation that reminded me of some horror from my abuse, like taking a shower, I usually just froze at first, like I was in shock. I would usually make the connection and realize that what I saw, heard or felt reminded me of a similar sight, sound or feeling from my past abuse. However, I did not know what to do with the feeling. I usually tried to stuff it back down inside of me and ignore it. Unfortunately, this tactic was not very helpful for me. I got to the point where I could barely force myself to bathe. I would suffer a full blown anxiety attack at the mere thought of stepping in to the shower! I finally got up the courage to tell my psychiatrist about these seemingly illogical fears and he prescribed Clonopin for me – an anti-anxiety medication. This medication was very helpful at the time and I was able to shower and get through my day after taking the shower. However, I was not satisfied with using this drug long-term. I was motivated to find emotional relief for my phobias.
If you are experiencing phobias, please do not feel that you are crazy! Don’t hesitate to see a reputable psychiatrist (psychologists and therapists are not usually medical doctors) who can prescribe an anti-anxiety medication for you to get through this difficult period of time. Don’t beat yourself up for relying on some medicative help temporarily. Of course, addiction to any drug can bring up another whole host of problems, so I do not recommend taking any prescription anti-anxiety medication for an extended period of time. While you are on medication is a perfect time to start identifying your triggers and/or phobias and begin working on them so that they become more manageable for you. After you begin to experience some relief as to the intensity of these triggers you can (with your doctor’s supervision) wean yourself off anxiety medication.
Triggers can be very powerful emotion-inducing experiences. They can occur any time and any place under any circumstances. Triggers are mood altering. You don’t have to be in a vulnerable situation either physically or emotionally to experience the mood altering effects of some triggers. You don’t have to be physically ill or grieving from the death of a loved one or in the middle of an argument for a trigger to jump up and bite you in the ass! Triggers can be emotionally distressing to you in the best of circumstances. You can be in the greatest mood, in the best of health, on the most beautiful day of your life when a trigger occurs and totally changes your outlook, you mood and attitude. It can be difficult for our loved ones to understand us when we experience one of these triggers. Our moods can change instantly and people around us have no idea why. Sometimes we don’t understand why our mood has changed ourselves. Many times people around us will mistakenly assume our mood has changed because of something they’ve done or said or we may fear that others just think we are “crazy” when these triggers affect us.
Please be assured that if you are an abuse survivor and/or suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you are NOT crazy! Later in life, we can experience something we see, taste, smell, hear or feel and that experience triggers a strong emotion associated with trauma we experienced in our past. Triggers are not wrong, good or bad, they just happen.
Many times our awesome brains have blocked memories too hellacious for us to endure. This mechanism helped us to survive the atrocities being inflicted on us. Certain sights, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings, etc. may have been blocked during this process as well. Until we experience the sight, sound, etc. again we may not be aware of any trigger that exists. All we can do is learn about triggers, be aware that they can occur at any time or place and follow up with healthy ways to release the old feelings that are now safe to experience when they come up. I hope these pages help you meet that goal.
© 2006 Hope Forus – All Rights Reserved
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book about her abuse, her healing journey and tips that have helped her during her PTSD recovery process. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
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