Triggers and Phobias
Safely Releasing Pent up Emotions
Associated with Triggers
Just thinking about triggers can spark powerful emotions buried deep within our subconscious mind. As I mentioned on the Definitions page, most of us were not given the opportunity to talk about our abuse experiences! Many times we were threatened with bodily harm or death if we revealed our secret to anyone. Because of these very real threats (whether expressly stated or implied), most of us have carried this secret in silence for decades…maybe even a lifetime! This causes our understandably justified feelings of terror, rage and grief to be stuffed down inside of us.
As you work to identify your unique triggers, emotions may come and when they do, I think it is best to let yourself feel them. It is probably best to work on these exercises in private where you won’t be afraid of disturbing someone else if understandable feelings of rage or grief come up for you. If emotions do come while attempting any of these exercises, let yourself feel them, don’t try to suppress them. I think repressing emotions is one of the reasons why triggers become so powerful in the first place…there is pent up emotion associated with the event that was never expressed at the time it originated.
If you were unable to express the understandable rage, fear and grief you experienced at the time of your abuse and/or trauma, it is understandable that working with these repressed emotions may bring them to the surface. It is important that you are in a place, both physically and emotionally where you feel safe to experience these emotions now. It is very important to release these old feelings.
In my experience, Judith Corvin-Blackburn’s book, JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS: A Guide to Inner Healing has some of the best practical ideas for releasing pent up emotions. You can check out her therapy techniques and this awesome book at: http://www.empoweringthespirit.com/ You can purchase her book through this web site or on Amazon.com.
Probably the most intense emotion that I had successfully buried was RAGE. Before I learned to release this powerful emotion in a healthy way, I would sometimes lash out at loved ones for minor transgressions. Of course, releasing past emotions in this way does not help to maintain healthy current relationships! After reading Judith’s book, I used some of her techniques and developed some of my own for releasing this rage in a more constructive manner.
Safely Releasing Rage:
To get started, make sure you are in a safe, private environment. If you own your home, you should be able to attempt any emotion releasing exercises without disturbing neighbors. You will probably want to choose a time when your children are not at home so that the rage you release does not frighten or worry them. If you don’t feel comfortable or safe releasing old rage alone, ask your significant other to remain in your home, but in another room. You may want to agree on a pre-defined “code” word or phrase that your partner will agree to come to your aid if you shout it out. If you live in an apartment, attached condo or townhouse, you might want to play some loud music to drown out any loud noises you might make during the exercise.
Gather any “tools” you plan to use BEFORE starting. Here are some ideas:
An Old Bath Towel
A Foam “Nerf” or Plastic “Whiffle” Bat
An Empty 2 Liter Plastic Soda Bottle
A Punching Bag (with appropriate gloves)
A Piñata
A Photo of Your Abuser
A Music CD (by a band you do NOT like)
Before you get started, remember the three rules for releasing old anger and rage:
You can NOT hurt yourself.
You can NOT hurt anyone else.
You can NOT hurt anything of value.
(Breaking things can be very releasing and therapeutic, but then you have a big, possibly costly mess to clean up! Of course, if you choose to use a piñata or plastic soda bottle for these exercises, they will probably get destroyed in the process.)
If you are afraid your neighbors might hear you or you just want some motivational music, select a music CD or tune your radio to a station that plays music you do NOT care for. For example, if you do NOT care for heavy metal or rap music, choose this music to play in the background while you release pent up anger and rage. Loud, strong music works best to get you in the mood to release angry feelings. Since the rage you release may hereafter become associated with the song, album, musical group or type of music you play, be careful to choose music that you would not normally care to listen to.
Do some stretches to loosen up your leg, arm, shoulder and back muscles BEFORE you begin this exercise. You may find yourself using your whole body during these exercises, so it is important to warm up before attempting them to avoid pulling any muscles.
Choose an area of your home that has a hard, indestructible surface. Be sure the surface you choose is clear of any items that could get damaged. Some surfaces that have worked for me are: kitchen or bathroom countertops, kitchen or dining room tables, bed headboards or footboards, basement polls or posts. If you live in a secluded area tree trunks or deck posts also work well.
If you feel comfortable with the idea, tape a photograph or a photocopied picture of your abuser to the indestructible surface or punching bag you plan to use. Wear protective gloves to protect your hands unless you are using the bath towel idea. Pick up your rage releasing “weapon” of choice. Close your eyes and think back to an incident that enraged you involving your abuser(s). If you do not feel safe yet to remember a time when you were a young child, think of a time as an adult where this same person offended you. They may have said something in denial of the abuse. This would understandably create feelings of anger if your abuser denied hurting you! If this is still too scary, start with a recent incident when you felt angry, maybe a time when someone cut you off in traffic or treated you rudely in some other way. Try to bring the feeling of anger up to the surface.
Let the feeling of anger explode out of you through your hand and fingers and strike the indestructible surface with the “weapon” you’ve chosen. Strike the surface as hard as you can to make an audible cracking or smacking sound. Notice the sound of the towel, soda bottle, plastic bat or gloved fist (punching bag ONLY) as it hits the target. You might find it therapeutic to release an audible noise as you strike. Let yourself grunt, groan, wail or shout as you strike. As you feel yourself growing stronger and striking the surface more forcefully, imagine also that you are growing more courageous and brave. Picture yourself in your mind’s eye as a strong, confident, powerful adult.
Think of words you would like to say to your abuser(s). Let these words scream out of your mouth! As you strike the indestructible surface or punching bag, shout words and phrases like: “NO”, “STOP”, “Get Out”, “Go Away”, “Leave me alone!” Imagine that you are beating your abuser(s) as you strike the indestructible surface over and over again. As you feel yourself growing stronger (or during another session if you feel you are getting too tired), let yourself scream anything to your imagined abuser(s) as you continue to strike the surface. Tell them what you really think of them. Use any obscenities or swear words that fit the despicable actions of your abuser(s). Tell them how horrible you think they are for what they did to you. Use any words that make you feel empowered and help you release the old rage.
Come back to this exercise as many times as you need to until you feel that the load of rage you are carrying is getting lighter. When you finish, you may find yourself exhausted! Be sure to “cool down” as you would following any strenuous exercise. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids and rest afterward. Let yourself feel proud of your accomplishment!
Hope Forus is a survivor of childhood physical, sexual, emotional and ritualistic abuse. She is currently writing a book on the subject that will include other self-help ideas like this. You can contact her at:
Hope Forus is not a medical or mental health professional. She is a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, emotional and ritualistic abuse. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use the information in this article for diagnosing or treating a medical or mental health condition. If you have or suspect you have a medical problem, promptly contact your professional healthcare provider. If at any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself or someone else as a result of emotions or reactions to any descriptions related herein, promptly contact your mental health provider, your local suicide prevention hotline or 911.
© 2006 Hope Forus All Rights Reserved
For ideas to safely release other emotions that can be triggered in your day-to-day life, please visit the Healing the Wounds of Childhood page. This page provides an exercise you can do whenever an emotion from your past childhood abuse is triggered in the present.
