As you've learned on the first three pages, triggers are part of what's known as Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). One of the most empowering and effective things you can do if you want to thrive in this life after your abuse, is to identify what triggers your flashbacks and abuse-related emotions. If part of your recovery goal is to break free of old abuse bonds that are still controlling your life, then the exercise of identifying your triggers is important. Hopefully, the ideas and questions provided on the Identifying Your Unique Triggers page have helped you identify your unique triggers and ideas from the Safely Releasing Old Emotions page have helped you release some of the pent up anger you understandably feel. Now let’s talk about ways to lessen the impact these triggers have on your daily life.
Avoidable Triggers
Now that you have the knowledge of what your unique triggers are, you can decide if you want to do something with this knowledge. One thing to ask yourself is if you think you can honestly live with the trigger and its associated emotions or not. It is our choice in many cases. You can choose to totally avoid certain triggers. If you know certain things are going to bother you, you can choose to totally avoid them. I believe it is not only easier but sometimes better to totally avoid certain triggers that affect you in a negative way. There are certain things that are not going to make a difference in your life one way or the other, so why be distracted by them.
For example, plastic shower curtains are a powerful trigger for me. I honestly believe that it won’t make a difference in my life one way or the other whether I own a plastic shower curtain. I can just as effectively shower with a fabric shower curtain or glass shower doors. I don’t have to suffer re-experiencing trauma from my childhood just to prove to myself or anyone else that I can shower with a plastic shower curtain! What would be the point of that? There is none, so I choose NOT to experience a plastic shower curtain in my bathroom.
Everyone has certain preferences about products available today. Don’t shame yourself if you decide to choose a viable alternative to the thing that creates an emotional trigger for you. There are other triggers that you cannot avoid. There is a lot of work involved in trying to overcome the emotional trauma associated with triggers like these. This requires a great deal of emotional energy. If you can avoid a trigger and it honestly won’t make any difference to experience it or not, by all means choose an alternative that does not trigger past emotions for you. Don’t beat yourself up for doing this! Save your emotional energy for triggers that cannot be avoided.
Healthy Alternatives for Unavoidable Triggers
Another thing to think about are possible alternatives to approaching an unavoidable trigger. For example, toilets are a huge trigger for me, but I can’t exactly avoid using them either. Since I cannot avoid using the toilet, I think of ways to make the experience more pleasant for me.
Please remember that these are only suggestions and ideas that have worked for me. Everyone is unique and everyone’s abuse situation is unique. What has worked for me may not work for you even if you experience the same triggers. Please approach this exercise as a work in progress. Come back to it as many times as you want. You may want to write in your journal in pencil so that you can come back and revise the lists. Using pencil will allow you to erase ideas that do not work for you. However, if you want to keep a record of ideas you have already tried, please feel free to cut, paste and copy these pages as many times as you wish.
Please don’t feel that you’ve failed if you cannot sit down once and come up with every possible alternative to your identified triggers. That would be an unrealistic expectation. As the old saying in therapy goes, “It takes as long as it takes.” There is no timeline for completion of these exercises. Be patient with yourself and only do as much work as you feel up to at each sitting. If you start to feel tired or spent, please take a break and congratulate yourself for the hard work you have accomplished. When you are rested, you can come back and do some more work.
You may need to try several different things before you find the best alternative for you as an individual. What might work for one person may not work for another person. If you cut, paste, print and make copies, use the space provided to start thinking of possible healthy alternatives to things that act as triggers and whether or not you feel you can or should avoid certain triggers. There is no prescription for working with your triggers. Trial and error is probably the best approach to discovering what works best for you. If one of your ideas does not work for you, please do not feel as if you’ve failed! Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a few tries to find a healthy alternative. If one thing doesn’t work for you, try something else. Keep working until you feel comfortable or until you feel that the trigger’s impact is becoming less intense.
EXAMPLES
Sexual Abuse Triggers: Can I live with? If no, how can I avoid? Healthy Alternative(s)
Plastic Shower Curtains No
Don’t take showers Install glass shower doors
Don’t take showers Install glass shower doorsTake sponge baths Use waterproof fabric curtainToilets – Using Yes – Have toSquat/Straddle – Don’t sit on
Yes – Have toSquat/Straddle – Don’t sit onToilets – Cleaning No Don’t clean toilets Ask spouse to clean
No Don’t clean toilets Ask spouse to cleanHire Cleaning ServiceCarrots No Don’t buy large size Buy baby carrots
No Don’t buy large size Buy baby carrotsBuy pre-cut carrotsBlood – from red meat No Become Vegetarian Don’t eat red meat
Become Vegetarian Don’t eat red meatCook chicken instead Ask spouse to cook red meatEat out at restaurantBuy pre-cooked red meat**Be sure that your possible alternatives are not in conflict with other triggers. For example, I could avoid taking showers all together and choose to take tub baths instead. However, sitting in bath water is another of my triggers, so this alternative would not be a good one for me. Be realistic about what you know in your heart you can and cannot do. For example, I love vegetables, but I don’t think I could ever totally give up eating meat to become a vegetarian. While this is a possible way to avoid my blood trigger, it is not a realistic solution for me. The alternatives I’ve listed work well for me on any given day. Keep in mind as you build your list of alternatives that it is not necessary to come up with one all-inclusive alternative for each trigger. Referring to my blood trigger: not eating red meat might be an option for me one day, while asking my spouse to cook red meat might work best on another day.
Implementing the Ideas
One thing is for sure, you won’t know if something might work for you unless you try it! Psychology tells us that it takes 30 days to develop a new habit. So, if something doesn’t feel right, you may need to try it several times before it will become natural to you. If something doesn’t feel natural to you because you are not used to it, but it is a good thing, a pleasant thing, chances are you will be able to get through it rather quickly.
This is not to say that the technique you are attempting to implement is ever going to work for you. It might not. Use common sense when implementing your trigger reducing alternatives. If the first couple of times don’t feel comfortable to you, it might just be because you’re not used to feeling comfort. However, if after the fifth or sixth time, you’re still feeling awkward or really struggling with the whole idea, you might want to move on to another possibility. Try to have a balance between realizing that you might not be used to something that feels good and realizing that one particular idea may not work for you. There’s no shame or failure that should be attached to this if it happens. You just need to move on and try something else. Be assured that you will eventually get there! I’m not an expert or psychiatrist, but I believe I’ve been through enough therapy for very heinous abuse and experienced this process enough myself that I honestly feel I can reassure you that YOU WILL GET THERE. Don’t give up! If you give up on yourself that is the biggest tragedy! Hang in there and keep trying.
Please feel free to cut, paste, print and copy the following for your use:
